just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
