I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
