My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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