i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
