Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
