the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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