EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
