My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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