I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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