Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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