I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
