worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
