Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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