So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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