Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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