i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You did what with his pubic hair?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
