and she was petting her beer can
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
