Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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