5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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