I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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