I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
