watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
