Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
