i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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