He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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