Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
