I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
