I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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