you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
