This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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