So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize