I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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