I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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