On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't notice because vodka
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
