either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were trust falling into bushes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
