On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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