similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
