Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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