ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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