did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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