This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
