I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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