"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
