the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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