When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
