This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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