Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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