Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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