it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you would pick up someone in the library
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
