She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
