Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
