How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
