Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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