i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
