btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
