How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sext me about skeletons
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
