Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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