My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
