nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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