My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
