well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
