he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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